Choosing My Reality

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Photo Credit: Kaimana Pine

It’s been nearly 3 years since my last blog post. Raising a human has been an eye-opening journey to say the least. My experience has been very positive thanks to a solid support system. I’m so grateful for an amazing husband, reliable family members and caring friends. Mahalo!

Where am I now? I’m still living on Oahu (going on 19 years!) and don’t plan on relocating. This is home for sure. My daughter and new job helped align my priorities and I am living more in the present. I find myself navigating life with better head space, meaning less foggy thoughts and moments. Mommy brain shows itself here and there but for the most part, I no longer feel helpless, paralyzed, drained and uninspired. This was a frustrating space to be in. I thought I was stuck with the choices I made, but really, I was in control. I just didn’t choose to do something about it. Now I can breathe.

What am I doing at the moment? I’m trying to wrap my thoughts around the current global pandemic. There’s so much information being presented to the public. It’s challenging to compartmentalize all of it. You do your best to be aware of the perspectives of others. For me, this pandemic has highlighted how broken and disjointed this world is. No surprise. We live by different values yet when the human race is “attacked”, we cannot agree to protect it, to protect all of us. Many of us think we are invincible, an exception to the risks of COVID-19. For others, making money or trying to IMG_2568-1“go back to normal” is more important than protecting life. NEWS FLASH: there is no going back to “normal”. If you’re complaining about how bored you are or how you cannot get your hair colored at a salon during a shelter-in-place mandate, you obviously are living a privileged life. Good for you but don’t put others at risk. Are we that disconnected with the rest of the world?

My sister was recently voluntold to be one of two nurse case managers to manage the COVID-19 floor at her workplace, a rehabilitation hospital in New Jersey. It is designated to take the overflow of COVID-19 patients from the main hospital nearby. I asked her what she was most fearful of and she said that “when you choose to be in this profession, you know part of the job is risking your life to save another.” She makes extra efforts to connect her COVID-19 patients with their family members virtually. She said it means a lot to them. Compassion and connection are key.

One of my childhood friends is a nurse at a Washington state hospital and she recently shared with me the following, “I’m in the front-lines with my fellow colleagues and we’ve never been scared of our own mortality. We are low on supplies and hoping that we can get help from local companies to make them.” She also expressed for communities to please stay home unless necessary.

I am fortunate to be living in a state where most residents are thinking about the bigger picture – protecting lives, protecting each other. What makes Hawaiʻi special is aloha – love, compassion, kindness. It’s the heart and soul of Hawaiian culture. Residents and local companies have stepped up to help minimize the negative impacts of the global pandemic and it’s working. Click HERE for local initiatives and resources I found helpful so far.

Lastly, in honor of National Poetry Month, I captured my emotions in a poem below. Stay safe, healthy and optimistic.


20200419_KP_D500_KP1_6002_SLX_EDITScreen Shot 2020-04-30 at 10.36.10 PM


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