Each year, I go through a process to create a vision board and this includes reflecting on the year. How I view 2016 feeds into my goals for the following year. Losing a loved one to a terrorist attack, my first hospitalization, traveling to six cities, getting engaged and finding out I was pregnant summed up my 2016! Some say it was an “eventful” year but you know, every year is the same. I love my life. I believe it’s how you let the “events” shape your thoughts and shift how you live that filters your lens on life.
Let’s start this conversation by talking about my cousin Gail. We celebrate the one year anniversary of her death. She was taken from us during the Brussels terror attacks in March 2016. There is nothing you can do to prepare yourself for losing a loved one. It is typically reactive. I found myself sitting down speechless trying to process the news. Tears and worry for the immediate family soon followed. Memories of her beautiful smile and our times together especially here in Hawai’i flooded me.
The balance of embracing her life and moving forward with ours was (and still is for many) challenging. There is no incentive in trying to understand why this happened. However, there is a choice to carry out her legacy in what we do. The legacy she left for me – be fearless. Make life count. Mahalo Gail for making our family stronger.
So, engaged and pregnant? Yup! The engagement was a natural next step. I knew my current partner would be my penguin. Nearly three years ago, I placed something on my vision board that initially scared me – a relationship goal. It was a heart-shaped cut out of a couple (feature image). Deep down I truly wanted to spend the rest of my days with one person. So I put this truth “out there” and soon after, I met my current partner – now fiance. We continue to laugh daily and be transparent with each other. It feels good and this is how it should be! I didn’t say we were perfect (not even sure how you would define “perfect”). What I did state is that our relationship feels good. Being with him feels right. The trust and respect we have for each other makes those feelings happen for me. Most importantly, my Mom loves him, lol! And now we are expecting…
There are definitely logistics and emotional adjustments to adding another human being to our household and I’m confident we will get through all the transitions heading our way. During this third trimester, I’m focused on one area – learning to enjoy the present! I have been fortunate to not experience any sickness or complications you may associate with pregnancy so why didn’t I think it was ok for me to be happy and excited? Well, have you ever felt unsure about committing to a relationship because you weren’t sure if it was going to workout? That’s how it was for me until recently. I frustrated myself with so much worry and fear that I couldn’t see anything positive about my life. I finally told myself enough! It was really my last ultrasound that helped me get over this. It anchored me in such a provoking way. Seeing our baby open and close its hands and move its feet made me speechless. It was simply…amazing. Since then, I touch my belly and talk to our baby often, feeling closer and closer each time.
Family and friends have been very supportive during this journey. Donations of clothes, books, and other necessary baby items have been trickling in. People sharing their experiences have been the most meaningful to us and I can’t thank my partner enough. His positive words and back massages help me enjoy each day!
The countdown is on! My partner and I can’t wait to experience the world as a family of three thus the goals I set for 2017 are geared towards making our family stronger. Life definitely has new meaning for us.